Currently Listening to: How Could an Angel Brake my Heart - Toni Braxton

Who knows. Havent been able to sleep lately... and i keep changing my blog sites... LOLZ i guess its boredom.
This songs so depressing but such a good kareoke song. I miss them days.

But lately has been so fckd for me. Everythings not going right and i have no idea what the hell to do anymore.
Im angry, upset and blaming so much on myself.
I always think why the fck cdnt he take my life instead of Paulie's. My life is worth taking more then his. Yea this might sound so fcking sympathetic but its my blog and this is what im feeling.
Nothing seriously ever turns out for me and who knws if anything will ever work out.

Im just sick of being left in the dark and not being told whats going on or how he feels about anything.
All i ever asked for was to tell me what they feel and want and if its fixable, try get through.
I wouldnt bother with with anything if i knew it wasnt worth it all. But now, i ask myself constantly, is it ever worth it all!?I hate doubting, and makes me feel bad but if the other person isnt going to tell you anything and would rather do and think of other things, then is it ok for me to doubt?
Also is it a huge crime to tell someone how you feel!? I was always told to tell the other person how you feel, but for some reason now when i do it fcks up and then it starts. Thenthey say everythings fine. As if anythings fine. I know what i want and never doubted anything. If i started to id say something. But now it seems how i feel is wrong and i might aswell have no opinion and say in anything. Ill just sit back and pretend and make everyone think that its all good and nothing wrong and know inside that its not and lie to myself.

Do i still make you happy? Or did i ever? I have no idea what you really want anymore and i dont know what to think or do either. I can try and try to make things work out but i cant do it on my own. Im trying to be the best as i can but im only human and no ones perfect.To me you dont want to even try to make things work and i guess the more you dragg this on by not talking to me and ignoring it all the more you'll push me away coz you knw i can hold on till i cant i anymore. I dont want things to end just yet. You know how i feel and i guess its just up to you. Im sorry and you know for what reasons i am.Ill apologise again and again....
Should i keep trying or just give up?

Why cant things be easy to understand and sort out..
Why didnt he take my life instead of his?